Help
by Chloeap1997
Summary: AU. Set after series three. Abby, Connor and Danny haven't returned and Becker has been left grieving for them and Sarah. Can Jess help? Jecker eventually... I think. I'll get the next chapter up ASAP :) x Also a shoutout to Lilliana.eperanza for all her support :)
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Primeval and all of it's characters do not belong to me. Although I would like to own a Caprain Becker if anyone knows where I could get myself one of those ;) Warning: Contains suicide theme.

Captain Becker and Sarah entered the dark, dusty room, guns raised. Becker shone his powerful torch around the room before mumbling, more to himself than anyone else, that it was clear and closing the door behind the two of them. They'd been separated from the rest of the search party that were looking for Connor, Abby, and Danny.

"Sarah... Promise me as soon as we get a chance you'll go back through with one of my men. It's not safe. I should've never let you come. What if something happens to you? I can't lose you." Becker pleaded, he stood so close to her that she could smell his aftershave.

"Becker... I am part of this search party whether you like it or not. I won't get hurt... I'm with you. I trust you." She didn't meet his desperate gaze.

"You shouldn't." he replied backing away from her in defeat "Look what happened to everyone else who did. Cutter, Abby, Connor, Danny."

"Becker, come on, we've been through this a million and one times. The only person to blame for all of this is Helen. You need to stop blaming yourself, okay?" She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him sweetly, before stepping away to look around the room.

"Sarah...please, please. I'm begging you. I can't lose anyone else I love. I love you" he whispered hopelessly, so quiet that Sarah didn't even hear.

"Hey... What's this? Wait... These are the batteries our torches take... Surely they wouldn't still be using the same... These have been wired up like a power source" Sarah mused. Becker paced over towards her, and began examining the wires, his hands moving quickly and precisely as he followed different wires.

"It's wired to this... At first I thought it was just some kind of table but now I don't think it is... It's a screen, like a big tablet." He leaned forward to read the side of the batteries "Sarah, these aren't just the same batteries that the arc uses- these are arc batteries, look at the series number here, they're from 2009. They must've been theirs! They used-" a clatter interrupted him.

Sarah turned white. "Predators. They're in here" she whispered, terrified.

"Get behind me, and keep that gun handy" he ordered, as Sarah scurried to stand behind him.

There was a huge crash at the door and as it gave in, a group of predators burst through, scrapping with each other until their eyes locked on the humans. The first one through the door dropped like a stone as Becker's bullet hit it square in the face, but the others were too fast. Becker felt a huge rip tear across his chest and he fell to the ground in pain. His eyes were unfocused from the shock, but he saw them turn on Sarah.

"Becker! BECKER!" A blood curdling scream filled the room.

Becker awakened bolt upright, drenched in his own sweat. Every night. Every night he was forced to relive in excruciating detail the worst day of his life. He remembered every smell, noise and sound from that day. He glanced at his alarm clock: 3am. Bed springs creaked as he swung his legs out of bed and strode across his bedroom towards to sliding glass doors, barely slowing to look at his bloodshot eyes and pale face as he passed the mirror. The doors slid across easily and Becker was bathed in moonlight and icy cold air. Running his hands through his hair, he leant forward on the balcony, not even flinching when the cold metal made contact with his bare chest. He looked down at the quiet street below.

'I could do it. I could do it right now.' He thought to himself. 'I don't deserve to live, when so many have died because of me. I'd rather die than live with myself after what I've done. It was my job to keep them safe, and I failed.' A heavy tear fell down his cheek as he shakily grabbed the metal bar at the top of the balcony and swung one leg over the rail. 'I can't go back to work and risk anyone else getting hurt. They did nothing to deserve their deaths. I've done everything to deserve mine.' His whole body trembled as he swung his other leg over the railing. The dark purple circles under his eyes were illuminated in the moonlight. Looking down at the hard pavement nine floors below, he contemplated how much it might hurt. 'I hope it does hurt. They got hurt. It wouldn't be right for it to end quickly, and painlessly for me. I hope I suffer, like they suffered...'

Becker was pulled from his reverie when his phone rang sharply in his pants pocket. A shaking hand reached down and took it from his pocket before he glanced at the screen. Jess.

"H-hello?" His voice was gruff and stuttered as he wiped another tear off his face.

"Becker? Anomaly alert. I'm on my way to the ARC now. Meet me there? I'm trying to get as many men together as I can, it sounds like a serious incursion. Can you make it?"

There was no answer.

"Becker? Are you there?"

"I'm here." He glanced down at the beckoning pavement as Sarah's last scream echoed through his brain, as if she was stood right next to him. He shook his head. "I'll be there Jess."

"Great- Becker are you alright? You sound really ill..."

"I'm fine, Jess." Two jittery legs swung back over the balcony as Becker hung up the phone, before staggering inside to get ready.


	2. Chapter 2

Becker wandered dolefully into the hub. He knew people would start noticing soon- he was painfully thin, his reflexes were so much slower, he was barely even functioning. It was as if he wasn't even the same person anymore, a shell of the soldier he used to be.

Jess bounded over to throw a black box at him, which he didn't catch. It skidded pathetically across the floor.

"Sorry! That was stupid... I've probably broken it now" she sighed as they both bent to pick it up. Becker grasped it first, and then offered his hand to help Jess up. He might've been atrociously ill but his gentlemanly instincts came first.

"Thank you" she smiled, before actually looking at his face. Jess gasped. "God Becker, you look like Hell! Are you ill?" He dropped her hand like it had turned scolding hot.

"No, Jess, I'm fine. Just a bit tired is all"

"Have you been crying?" She whispered, so that no one else could hear.

"This isn't the time to be fussing about me Jess, ok? Let's just get to work." He needed a distraction, not an interrogation. Jess shot him a concerned look, and then turned on her heel and walked towards the ADD, beginning to brief him about the situation on the way.

It wasn't a particularly adventurous alert after all, and there were no fatalities. Everyone had returned to the ARC and Lester had ordered everyone who had come in when they weren't supposed to be working to go home to get some rest. Becker got himself to the car park and into his car, but didn't go anywhere. He clenched the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and a tear rolled down his cheek. A knock at his window startled him. Jess was stood there, looking bewildered and frustrated.

Jess hurried to the other side of the black SUV as Becker unlocked the door, and got in quickly. Before Becker knew what was happening, he was covered in Jess, as she leant over and hugged him as tightly as she could (she struggled to hold in the gasp as she noticed how thin and frail he had become) before kissing his cheek and leaning back to sit in the passenger seat.

"Becker. You need to talk to someone... Even if it's just me. I'm here for you, you can trust me. You aren't just tired. Please." She pleaded, hating seeing her friend in this state.

"You're not driving anywhere in this state. Get out of the car, you're coming to mine."

Becker did as he was told, and wandered over to Jess' small car, dreading the questioning that was about to occur.

"Eat." Jess commanded, putting a steaming bowl of tomato soup in front of Becker at her gleaming white table. Once all of the soup was gone, she relaxed slightly and sat down at a chair next to him. She reached over and placed her hand over his comfortingly.

"Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?" He stayed silent and refused to meet her gaze, though he could feel it boring into his skull, as searching his brain for answers. "No? Ok, then I'll have to guess. Is it about Abby, Connor and Danny? Is it about Sarah?"

Becker's whole body tensed up at the mention of their names, and Jess knew she'd hit the nail on the head.

"Look, Becker, I know what you're going through..."

"Oh, how many people have you been responsible for the deaths of, Jess?" He snapped. Jess showed signs of interrupting him. "No. You don't know everything Jess. I know you're trying to help but you have no idea what I'm going through. You're not helping, Jess. I should go. I shouldn't have come" he got up and stormed out of her flat.

"Becker- wait..." But he was gone. She wasn't letting him go that easily and got up to give chase.

Becker had just got to the front doors of her building when he was already crying again.

'Well done you tosser. You've lot all of your friends but a few, and the one that is there trying to help, you've just gone and upset. Brilliant' he thought as he turned around to head back upstairs. They met half way.

"Becker, I-" she was cut off by him.

"No Jess, don't apologise. I'm really sorry. You're pretty much the only friend I have left, and I've gone and upset you. You were only trying to help." Jess smiled, knowing that they were making some progress.

Once they were sat on Jess' sofa, she began to explain.

"Look, I might not have blamed myself for the deaths and disappearances of several coworkers before... But I've grieved. My parents died when I was fourteen."

"God, Jess, I'm so sorry." He began.

"Don't be. I had a really tough time, but I grieved, and then I let them go. It's still hard from time to time, but I can't mope around and dwell on it forever. Just like you can't."

"I know. It's just.. My job was to protect them, all of them, and I failed."

"No, you didn't. You didn't. You have to stop blaming yourself. It's been a year, it's time for you to stop putting the blame on yourself and just grieve for them."

"I'm trying Jess, I really am, but it's hard... Especially Sarah. Some of her last words were about how she wouldn't get hurt, how she trusted me. I told her she shouldn't but she did and look where it got her." His eyes were welling up again.

"You and Sarah... You weren't just friends were you?"

"No, not exactly. After the others went missing we both struggled, but we helped each other get through it. It was okay with Sarah. Eventually we got really close. Being with her, she made me forget about everything else. All that mattered was her. She was the light in my darkness, but I've lost her and now everything's dark."

The later the night drew on, the more Becker talked, and eventually he felt slightly better for having talked it through with someone.

By midnight, Becker and Jess had talked through just about everything, and they decided to get some sleep, with Becker on the sofa bed.

"Night Capt." She smiled "sure you're okay?"

"I'm feeling better now... Thanks to you" he didn't have the energy to smile, but he shot Jess a look filled with gratitude. "Night."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is only a really short chapter I know- sorry! :)

It was two am when Jess heard him. She woke up to the sounds of his strangled yells, and she ran out of her bedroom to check on him. He was all tangled in bedding, and it was difficult for Jess to watch him writhing, he looked like he was in so much pain. Jess ran to the kitchen and collected a bowl of cold water and a flannel to put on his sweat- drenched face.

Gently lying down next to him and propping herself up on some pillows, she pulled the constricting covers off him and dabbed at his forehead with the cold flannel. Jess might have been able to help his conscious self to feel better but there was nothing she could do about his subconscious, and it worried her. He turned his head this way and that, panicking, and suddenly woke, jerking bolt upright.

"Becker?" Jess said softly, unsure whether he was actually awake.

He looked down at her, confused.

"Jess?"

"Sorry, you were having a nightmare but I didn't want to wake you up, but you were all sweaty so I thought I'd just cool you down."

"Oh- thanks. I woke you up?"

"Yeah"

"Sorry, I just relive that same day, every night, I have no control over it."

"Why on earth are you apologising for something you can't control? Come here." She touched his shoulder and gently pulled him down towards her until they were both led down, and then cuddled right up to his chest.

"Thanks Jess, you're the best."

"I know" she giggled into his chest. He rested his head on hers, as they both slowly drifted back to sleep.

Sunlight flooded the room as the rising sun appeared from behind a nearby building, a direct beam landing on Becker's face. He opened one eye, and then the other, and looked down at Jess, who still curled up in his arms. The clock said it was just past 8am.

'It can't be!' Thought Becker, 'this must be the best nights sleep I've had in ages!'

Jess stirred in her sleep, and her eyes fluttered open.

"Morning" she smiled. "You okay?" She checker, her face full of concern.

"I think so, I didn't wake you up too much did I?"

"Not once, I slept through. You did too?"

"Yeah, I guess" he smiled faintly.

Jess wandered into her room to get dressed whilst Becker made them some coffee, and when she came back her face was lit up.

"What's on your mind?" Enquired Becker, slightly more upbeat after his nights sleep.

"I've had an idea... You didn't get a nightmare when we were sleeping last night right? Maybe that's because we were sleeping together. I propose that you stay here for a few weeks, and we can share my bed. You'll get a better nights sleep if you can avoid the nightmares. I can keep my eye on your eating habits too" she added as she pushed the fruit bowl towards him. Becker was looking uneasy.

"Jess- what if I do get a nightmare. I have no control over what I'm doing... I could hurt you"

"Don't be silly, you won't, you let me sleep with you last night"

"I was half asleep last night, I wasn't thinking properly"

"Just try it- just for one night. Please? I want to help" she pleaded.

"But if I keep having nightmares you won't get any sleep."

"Think of it this way- if we're in separate rooms I don't sleep because I'll be worrying about you, and you won't sleep because you'll be having bad dreams. Neither of us will sleep- but if you'd just go along with my plan we'd both get sleep. The idea is flawless!"

"Jess," he said warningly.

"Is the idea of sharing a bed with me really that repulsive or something?"

"No, of course not. That's not my point- and you know what my point is. I'd never forgive myself if I hurt you"

"_You won't! _Please?"

"We need to get to work. We'll talk about it later." He responded unemotionally.

"Yes. We will." She replied, stubbornly.


	4. Chapter 4

Just as everything seemed to be suspiciously quiet, an anomaly was picked up in Surrey. Jess sighed and sounded the alarm.

Since the ARC had been reestablished, different teams had been based across the country for faster access to anomalies, and then the alpha team (The main soldiers with Becker leading them, usually accompanied by Matt) would meet them there as soon as possible. The Theta team were on site within half an hour and the alpha team had gathered around the ADD.

"...and there's been an incursion- three triceratops have come through, but they've been tranquillised and the anomaly is locked." Jess finished briefing them.

"Okay, thanks Jess, let's go." Ordered Matt, whilst Becker finished distributing black boxes. The team hurried off to collect their equipment but Becker hung back from the rest.

"You said triceratops right? As in Cretaceous?"

"Becker, you shouldn't get your hopes up- do you realise how small the chances of them being on the other side of that anomaly are? We don't even know they ended up in the Cretaceous..."

"According to Helen's diary, the route would take them through there and onto the Permian, but we think they never got to the Permian right? Because we're all still alive. They could be just the other side of that anomaly Jess. I know it's a long shot but it's worth a try."

"Are you sure you're ok to go? I could send someone else really easily. Just say you aren't feeling well, there's loads of people who can take your place."

"No, I'll be fine. I need to be there."

"Okay, well, be careful"

"As always" he called over his shoulder as he went to join the others.

It was a while before Jess heard anything else from the alpha team, except various questions about directions, and she didn't hear any proper news until they'd been through the anomaly.

"Jess- the other side of that anomaly is not Cretaceous, definitely not, much too early. The triceratops' must've come through to there from another anomaly and then on through this one. We need three low-loaders down here to get them back to the menagerie." Matt said, over Comms.

"On their way." She replied.

"Great. We're going to head back now, the theta team have it covered. See you soon."

There had been nothing on the other side of the anomaly. She knew Becker would be devastated, his hopes had been so high.

When the rest of the team returned Jess couldn't see Becker in the rabble. They all returned their black boxes, and Jess got Matt on one side.

"Where's Becker?" She enquired nonchalantly.

"Why, missing him already are you?" He teased, laughing when she glared. "He's went to get changed, his shirt got caught on the side of one of the trailers and ripped. It's a shame you weren't there- you would've enjoyed it" he laughed, but then noticed her serious demeanour. "What's wrong, Jess? Is there something going on between the two of you?"

"No- not like that anyway. Matt, I'm really worried about him. Have you seen how thin he's gone? He isn't eating properly, or sleeping for that matter."

"He's a grown man Jess, he knows how to take care of himself."

"No, I know he's perfectly capable, I'm not doubting that, but he's still struggling with Sarah's death. He still blames himself."

"Time heals all wounds Jess, he just needs some space."

Jess could see he wasn't going to help, so she went to find him herself.

When she got to Becker's office, she found the door locked manually from the inside. At her gentle knock a muffled "I'm busy, is it important?" Was his response.

"Becker, it's me" she said softly. It was silent for a few seconds and then she heard the lock click open. Gently pushing open the door, she took a hesitant step inside. Becker had returned to his desk and had his head in his hands.

"Oh, Becker. I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted to find them." She said softly as she perched herself on his desk next to where he was sat. He rubbed his face with his hands and looked up at her.

"Don't be sorry. I was the one stupid enough to get my hopes up." He sighed.

"You aren't stupid. You just have hope. I think if one day they do return, they'll be glad to hear that you never gave up on them, like so many people did." She glanced at her watch, "It's time to go home. Are you hungry?" She didn't wait for a response. "Come on, I know a nice little place we can go to."

Sat in the dimly lit little corner of a quaint Italian restaurant that was one of Jess' favourites, Becker was struggling to eat anything.

"I think something you need to remember is how Sarah would've wanted you to be. You said yourself that she helped you get over losing the others- because she didn't want you to be like this. If she was here now, what would she be doing? What would she say?"

"She- she'd probably tell me that I should've gotten over it by now, and kick my arse for putting the rest of the team in danger on these past few missions with my moping and lack of concentration."

"Okay. Then listen to that. Think about how she would've wanted you to be, and be that person. It's the best thing you can do to do her proud."

"You're right. I know you're right. I hate to think about what she'd think of me if she could see me now. Especially the other night." His body tensed.

"The other night? Go on, what happened?"

"I can't... I hate myself for it."

"It can't be that bad... You didn't... You didn't hurt anyone did you?"

"No... No, of course not. I.. Erm... Well I woke up in the night, and I was just so sick of the nightmares, I just wasn't coping. I went out onto the balcony and leant against the railing, and the thought just occurred to me that if I... If I jumped, everything would be over." He choked out, as his eyes filled with tears. Jess gasped, a tear rolling down one of her cheeks.

"Becker... I had no idea things were so bad. Why didn't you just talk to someone?"

"I don't know. I wish I had."

"But you didn't though... You didn't do it I mean."

"No. I was over the other side of the railing, I was probably going to do it... And then you called. You called to tell me to come into work. And I realised that I had to carry on. That it would just be cowardly to jump."

"Well I'm glad you came to your senses. I've enjoyed having you around these past few days, granted the circumstances haven't been perfect, but it's been nice."

"I really do appreciate what you've done for me Jess. You have no idea how grateful I am."

When the pair arrived back at Jess', Jess went to brush her teeth and get ready for bed, and when she came back Becker had unfolded the sofa bed.

"Becker, don't be stupid. We know it'll work, we might as well try..."

"Jess, you don't have to do this." he said, warningly.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. If you start getting a nightmare and I hear you stirring, I'll just get out of bed and keep well back, okay?"

"I'm not going to be able to convince you otherwise, am I? He sighed.

"Absolutely not."

Becker stood awkwardly beside Jess' bed.

"There's no need to be so shy about it, just get in." Laughed Jess, pulling back the covers. Becker did as he was told and led down on the bed. Jess got in too, and moved up next to Becker. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

"Thank you Jess, for everything."

"You're very welcome" she replied, stifling a yawn. Eventually they drifted off together, smiling.

During the night, Jess felt Becker twitch in his sleep. He started to mumble and tense up, so she slipped out from his grasp, just as she'd said she would. His whole body visibly contracted like he was in pain, getting worse and worse. He was writhing. Then suddenly all of his muscles relaxed and his face went peaceful, and he uttered a single word. "Jess."


	5. Chapter 5

"Jess."

Jess smiled. She couldn't believe what she'd just seen. Just the thought of her had calmed him completely. She decided against telling him- she didn't know what her feelings for him were or how he felt about her, and everything was going so well. He's made so much progress and she didn't want to ruin it. Once she was sure Becker had completely calmed down, she clambered back into bed, kissed his cheek, and snuggled down next to him.

Becker jumped awake at the sound of Jess' shrill alarm clock, almost knocking her out of bed completely. He caught her just before she fell off the mattress, and her eyes snapped open. She looked up at his face and smiled, before her gaze travelled over his shoulder and down his arm to where he was gripping her wrist, which he then used to pull her further onto the bed, before letting go of her.

"Sorry, your alarm clock made me jump and then you almost fell out of bed" he laughed, before his face turned more serious. "Did I wake you up much?" He asked, looking sheepish.

"Not once." She lied, determined to continue with the plan.

"What- really?" He asked, astounded.

"Yes, really. See, I told you it would work!"

"Fluke." He said, stubbornly.

Becker looked as if he was about to say something else when both of their phones beeped at the same time. In a synchronised fashion, they reached for their mobiles at either side of the bed. They both sprang out of bed upon reading the message, from Lester.

_'_Anomaly_ alert- looks serious, how fast can you get here?'_

They glanced at each other before Becker crossed her room and threw back the curtains- the rain was heaving.

"I'd say... With this weather, and your rubbish car, plus time to get ready, we could be there in twenty minutes?"

"You underestimate how long it takes me to get dressed- alright alright, I'll hurry if I must!" She added at his exasperated sigh.

"Good. Meet you in the kitchen in ten?" Jess nodded and they both texted a reply to Lester.

Jess ran into the kitchen at speed, with her phone clamped between her teeth and her hands getting tangled up in the messy bun she was attempting to put together. Just as she turned the corner into the gleaming kitchen, she crashed straight into Becker in her hurry.

"Sorry. I wasn't built to get ready in such a rush!"

"It's fine, don't worry about it, we'd better get going though"

"Okay- oh and for the record, my car is not rubbish" she pouted "it's Eco-friendly"

"It's rubbish Jess" he laughed.

"Just because it isn't a gas-guzzling giant like yours- it fulfils all of my needs!" She insisted, Becker snorted in response. "Okay, since it's so 'rubbish', if I can convince you in under two weeks that my plan DOES work, and that last night WASN'T a fluke, you have to buy me a new car." She said smartly.

"Deal."

"Wait- what? Becker, I was kidding"

"I don't care, it's a deal."

"Well then, you've just made a huge mistake! We'd better go."

"Wait- there's no side to the deal for when you lose."

"Well I do have controls over the contracts and armoury stocks" she mused out loud. "I'll tell you what- if by some miraculous chance of fate I lose the bet, I'll get you your g36 back."

"You'll get into trouble..." He began.

"No I won't- I'm not going to lose." She was adamant that this was going to work. Becker gazed down at her for several moments, as if trying to read her mind through her eyes. Like he was searching for answers. Suddenly, he snapped back into reality.

"We really do need to get going now."

Jess broke into a slight jog as she hurried from the elevator to the ADD, leading the cover worker who had been sat in the big red seat to jump up like it had been set on fire. Even though he was supposed to be there, everyone knew not to touch Jess' controls when she was around. Even Lester had learnt to keep well back. She was very territorial when it came to her position at the ARC. She reached the monitor and leaped into her seat, snapping down the arm with one hand as the other started typing.

"It's in a church..." Jess called after a quick glance at the screen.

"Ironic." came Matt's uncharacteristically sardonic response. No good ever came when science and religion mixed.

"Okay, I've sent the coordinates to your mobiles- that's you Becker, and yours too Matt- I've found you a route to avoid the traffic in the centre too, ETA 9:23am, 16 buildings within q radius, average height approximately 48 metres. Almost all of the businesses nearby start at nine, if not earlier, so the streets shouldn't be too busy." She rambled as quickly as she could without them being unable to understand her.

"Thanks Jess" called out Matt as the him and the rest of the alpha team turned on their heels and jogged to the stairs down to the armoury to supply themselves with the necessary equipment.

The team arrived at the anomaly site at 9:24am precisely.

"You're slacking Jess" Matt joked.

"I'll work on that! The anomaly is in what appears to be some kind of back room. I can't tell for sure because they don't have any security cameras for me to hack into. Not helpful in the least. There weren't many people in there to start with but Lester ordered their evacuation... Something about a gas leak... So as far as we're aware it should be completely clear."

"Copy that Jess. We're going in." Came the much lower voice that she immediately identified as Becker's.

"We've done a full sweep and there doesn't appear to have been any incursion... Everything is still intact anyway which is a good sign. We're locking the anomaly now."

"No... We're not." Replied one of Becker's soldiers, Jane. "There must be something wrong with this locking device, it's not working, can you get another one here soon Jess?"

"I'm on it"

"Quick as you can Jess" said Matt.

"Well, obviously" Jess huffed back.

A huge crash through the comms made Jess jump, and all of a sudden all hell broke loose. It was complete pandemonium.

Five Utahraptors had come swarming through the anomaly. Matt hit the first one with a low-phase blast from the largest EMD, knocking it unconscious instantly. Jane and another of Becker's soldiers took down the next two. The last two were advancing on the team and every shot fired seemed to miss... They were so fast.

"Feel free to pitch in whenever you feel like it mate!" Matt snapped at Becker. He was stood there helplessly. He'd completely frozen.

"Captain Becker! Snap out of it!"

"What's going on?" Cried Jess, feeling utterly helpless without eyes on the situation.

One of the newest recruits managed to hit one of the two remaining Utahraptors, sending it down. Becker was still stood frozen like a statue, his EMD down by his side. The last raptor snapped it's head up, looking for the next way to run. It's eyes locked on Becker, and it pounced. Just as it's gaping mouth was inches away from Becker's face, Matt hit it in the back and it fell, defeated.

"Jane, Scott, keep a guard on this anomaly. Jess, how's that locking device coming along? We're going to need five mid-sized vans too, we'll put the raptors back through later. Becker- go home. You need to go and calm down or something. Just have a rest."

Everyone set to following Matt's commands, and Becker for the first time since the incursion acknowledged what was happening. He spun around to talk to Matt.

"I am so sorry- I don't know what happened. I just... Froze." He was bewildered, and mortified.

"Look mate, it happens. We'll talk later. You need to leave. Now. We have everything under control."

Becker set down his EMD on the black box containing the broken locking device and turned to leave the church, knowing that he couldn't convince Matt to let him stay.


	6. Chapter 6

Jess had to find him, and she didn't know what state he'd be in when she did.

His mood was so variable- just as he seemed happy again, normal, and better, something else happened. She got up from her seat at the ADD and made her way to Lester's office.

"Lester... I'm sorry but I'm really not feeling well. You know I wouldn't leave if it wasn't absolutely necessary, but I'm too distracted and it's probably not going to be helpful if there's another alert."

"Fine, if you must. Is there someone who can cover for you?"

"Mack- one of the lab techs" she added "he can do it."

"On your way then" Lester waved her off and got back to his paperwork.

She had to keep up the ill act until she got to the car park. Once there, she hurriedly took out her phone and dialled Becker. It went straight to answer. She jumped in her car and spun away as fast as she could. She didn't have the first clue where he might be, but decided to check his place first, then hers, and then maybe the shooting range. She drove on, barely even concentrating on where she was going.

It was in this moment that Jess knew. She knew that she would do anything for this man, she knew that she wanted this man to be happy, and in her life, and most importantly, she now realised that she was ridiculously, embarrassingly, and irrevocably in love with Captain Becker.

She'd just crossed Hawthorn bridge, the small bridge that crossed a river close to Becker's house. Her eyes were locked on the road ahead, her windscreen wipers battling against the heavily falling rain, her ears blocking out every noise and her hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles might've broken skin at any moment. She wouldn't have noticed if they had. Suddenly she slammed on the brakes.

'Tell me I didn't imagine that. No, no, _no._ Please. _Please_.' She thought, desperate. She swung the car around in a manoeuvre she would've never condoned had she not been so desperate to get back to the bridge. The rain had gotten so heavy she couldn't see beyond what was two feet ahead of the car so she guessed that she must be on the bridge by now and hit the brakes once again. She sprang from the car before it had even stopped properly.

_'Oh God no_. I didn't imagine it.'

"Becker!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. He didn't hear her- the rain was battering down. She hadn't been on the bridge after all, and was a good fifty feet from where Becker was stood on of the walls that were at either side of the bridge. She ran. She ran like her life depended on it- which it did, in a way.

'_Shit._ Why can't I run faster in heels?' She thought desperately. Jess was running with all of her might but the rain wasn't letting her go anywhere.

'Is he stepping down? _He's stepping down_. Is he?'

She crashed into Becker just as his second foot touched safe ground again, colliding with such impact that he was knocked straight to the floor. There was a moment of sheer relief- Jess buried her face into Becker's chest and sobbed, still led on top of him in the middle of the road in the pouring rain, even though she knew she should be the one supporting him, not the other way around. Then the anger came.

She hit Becker's chest with every syllable she spoke.

"Becker! How-could-you-do-this-you-moron?" She was too breathless to carry on.

Becker had been so shocked and surprised at her arrival he still hadn't responded to it. He grabbed her wrists to stop her from hitting him anymore and pulled them both to their feet.

"Road, Jess. Cars. You're not getting run over tonight, you can hit me later." He shouted over the rain. He grabbed her tiny, freezing hand in his huge one, and ran to her car, pulling her with him.

Becker practically threw Jess into the driver's seat and ran to the passenger side, jumping in and closing the door.

"Just drive, Jess." he panted. She started the engine and automatically started driving to her apartment block. They didn't speak yet. There were too many emotions they had to deal with before they could even begin to talk about.

As soon as they got into Jess' apartment she dragged him to the bathroom and threw him into the shower, clothes and all, whilst she went to dig in the bags he'd left at hers for dry clothes. She had no idea how long he'd been stood out in the cold and rain. Whilst in her bedroom she quickly peeled of her sodden clothes and threw on a jumper and some leggings, before running back to the bathroom and throwing the dry clothes and a towel through the door for Becker to change.

The time that it took for Becker to get dressed gave Jess some time to calm down and take in what had just happened. As he came out of the bathroom, she collided into him for the third time that day, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Jess- I didn't do it. Calm down."

"I will _not_ calm down until you promise me you're never going to do anything that stupid _ever_ again." She almost shouted into his chest.

"I put _everyone_ in danger."

"And so your solution to that was to put yourself in mortal danger?" she yelled, incredulous. "Well, I can see why the army appealed to you so much!"

"Jess. I really didn't know you cared _that_ much"

"Of course I care you bloody lunatic. Why do you think I've been trying to help you?"

"I thought you just felt obliged to. I mean I knew you cared, but not _that_ much. Why _do_ you care so much?" Jess pulled away from his chest and looked up into his hazel eyes for the first time.

"You really don't get it, do you?" she exclaimed, half-laughing. Becker shot her a puzzled look. "Becker, you big bloody idiot. Since the first time we met I've had feelings for you. I might not have realised what those feelings were, especially these past few days, in which I've gone from being concerned about you, to being fond of you, to being worried again, to having confidence that you were back on track, to bloody hating you. Except I don't hate you. I hate what you did. Or nearly did. Whatever. I can't hate you because it's not your fault that you feel this way. But I can't stop thinking about it- if you'd have done it. Because I can't imagine life without you- I really can't. And if you still can't understand, I'll put it into simpler words for you. Becker- I love you, and have for a long time. Seeing you in this way hurts me more than you can possibly know. That's why I care." She had backed away from him in her anger; her arms were flailing the more she got upset. Becker took the break in her speech to move forward and grab her shoulders, in an attempt to calm her enough to get a word in edgeways.

Jess, however, took this completely the wrong way, and as soon as he reached her, her lips crashed into his. For a moment, Becker melted into the kiss. It was so desperate; they were clinging onto each other like their lives depended on it. He hadn't been this close to anyone since Sarah. But then everything came flooding back and he pulled away from Jess like her lips had turned white hot. He took her by the shoulders again and pushed her away.

"Jess- I can't. I want to, _believe me_, but my head just isn't in the right place. I just feel guilty about Sarah… like I'm betraying her somehow. But I'm so confused. I do like you Jess, I really, _really like _you, but then I'm freezing at work and I don't know whether it's to do with you, or Sarah, or both, _or neither_. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"No." she laughed "No-one would- you're speaking jibberish. All I know is that you shouldn't still be feeling guilty about Sarah, but I do understand where you're coming from. I can wait, for as long as you need, for you. You take the time, get your life back, and then maybe something can happen." She met his gaze and it was one of pure frustration. Suddenly she was being pulled into a huge hug.

"Thank you for understanding. You're the best Jess." He said, before kissing her forehead.

"I know… I am" she sighed. "And on the bright side, I'm off work 'ill' so now we can spend the day relaxing for once. Or better yet, you can take me to buy some new shoes to replace the ones that just got ruined in that awful weather." She added, throwing an apologetic look at the demolished suede heels left by the front door.


End file.
